My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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