Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
did you just send me my own nude
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
