I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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