Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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