can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
