He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
My orgasm happened in two different decades
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
