dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
