Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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