I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
