If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
this just has baby written all over it
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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