Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
