I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
