I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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