in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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