Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
