You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
