If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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