Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
