guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize