The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
