Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
