At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
