i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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