I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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