Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize