whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
