Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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