I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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