I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
