Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
