he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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