So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
sarcasm needs its own font
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
