genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
