The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
