awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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