i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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