You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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