Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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