Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I came so hard my ears popped.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
