im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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