Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
