My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
