non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
