I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
