You just made me feel so damn special
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
