i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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