Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
