Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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