Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
