NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
