Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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