This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
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I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
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He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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