if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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