Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
