You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
