If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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