the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
