you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
