Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
