She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
