I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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