Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
