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I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
