He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
