3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
