THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
