I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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