she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
