you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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