i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
