We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
