She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
