its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
