I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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