No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
