The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
