The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
