A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
