I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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