just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
